Lister and Kochanski stuck in Minecraft
by LegoCrafter2014
Summary: Holly invents a new games console. Things go wrong and Lister and Kochanski are left stuck in Minecraft


Disclaimer: I do not own any of 'Red Dwarf', 'Minecraft' or their characters.

Holly: Oi! I've just invented a new type of games console!

Lister: Nice!

Kochanski: What's so special about it, then?

Holly: Well, you know total-immersion games make you think you're in the game, but your body ends up withering away in real life…

Kochanski: And?

Holly: My new games console makes you **actually in** the game.

Kochanski: You what?!

Holly: Yeah. You cease to exist in the real world, and appear in the game.

Lister: Cool! But can you go back?

Holly: Yeah. If things go wrong, I can take you out of the game immediately.

Lister: Great! But do we know that we're in a game?

Holly: Yeah.

Lister: Brutal! Let's try this thing out!

Holly: All right. Which game would you like?

Lister: Let's play…'Minecraft'.

Holly: Stand in front of the console.

_(Lister, Rimmer, Kryten and the cat disappear and reappear in the game.)_

_(The cat growls in an attempt to be seductive.)_

Cat: Ow! You're seeeexy!

Kochanski: Don't bother, Cat! I'm married to Dave.

Cat: I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to **me!**

Kochanski: (Embarrassed) Err, Holly? I'm naked. In fact, we all are!

Holly: _(Confused)_ Eh? _(Sheepishly)_ Oh, God!

Kochanski: What?

Holly: _(Sheepishly)_ Since your 'skin' is you being naked, you were set here like that.

Kochanski: Then why aren't we all blocky, like everything else here?

Holly: You're from the real world.

Kochanski: Can't you get us out?

Holly: Sure.

_(Holly takes Kryten out of the game, and he re-materialises in front of the console. He does the same with the Cat, then Rimmer. Suddenly, the console shorts out.)_

Holly: Damn! I knew I should have based my console on a Nintendo, not an Xbox!

Lister: _(Terrified)_ Are we going to die?

Holly: No.

Lister: Thank God! But can we get out, now?

Holly: Sorry. You'll have to get through the whole game and get all of the achievements before the game will let you out.

Kochanski: So we're stuck here, naked, in a blocky world until we get all of the achievements?

Holly: Soz.

Lister: What's the first one?

Holly: Open your inventory.

_(Lister and Kochanski do so. A huge banner appears, saying: "Achievement get! Taking inventory.")_

Kochanski: What now?

Holly: There's an achievements map on your left.

Kochanski: What about all of the monsters you get at night?

Holly: I've hacked it so that only spiders appear, and they can't kill you.

_(Lots of static happens and Holly's face disappears.)_

Kochanski: Holly!

Lister: _(Solemn)_ He's gone. We're stuck here, now.

Kochanski: Let's get the next achievement.

_(Kochanski walks up to a tree and punches it. A block of wood falls, but the rest of the tree is intact.)_

Kochanski: That doesn't make sense. It didn't hurt when I punched that tree, and the rest of it is floating!

Lister: Nothing makes sense here, Krissie. Physics only applies on some materials.

Kochanski: Your go.

_(Lister punches the tree and gets some wood.)_

Lister: What do we do now?

Kochanski: Err…it says here that the next achievement is to make a crafting table.

_(They make two crafting tables with the wood.)_

Kochanski: Hold that in your inventory and I'll finish this off.

_(She punches the rest of the tree down and replants a sapling.)_

Lister: I didn't know you were that strong!

Kochanski: Neither did I.

Lister: It's going to be night soon. Let's make a base.

Kochanski: Good idea.

_(They make two pickaxes and dig into the side of a nearby mountain.)_

Lister: We've got to put stuff in here.

Kochanski: Yeah. So…a lot of furnaces, two crafting tables, some anvils, a double bed, a mine and a farm.

Lister: Exactly. We should start with the mine, so that we have the materials for everything else, and the crafting tables, because we have them already.

_(They start to mine, and make stone pickaxes. Meanwhile, in the real world…)_

Rimmer: D'you know what? I seem to have this irresistible urge to just pull the plug out and kill them.

Kryten: _(Shocked and disgusted)_ Sir! How could you even THINK of such a thing?!

Rimmer: No. I think it'll be a mercy killing.

Kryten: Mercy or no mercy killing, I won't let you kill them!

Rimmer: All right. It was just a thought.

_(Rimmer marches out, and Kryten instructs the skutters to guard the console. Meanwhile, back in Minecraft, Lister and Kochanski have finished their base.)_

Kochanski: I don't think that we'll ever need to go out of this base! It's got everything! It's got a tree farm, melon farm and all of the other types, all kinds of item generators, a good bedroom and it's well lit. We've even got a mob grinder!

Lister: I know! Speaking of bedrooms, it's night time now. Let's go to bed.

Kochanski: Good night.

_(The next Minecraft day…)_

Kochanski: _(Yawning)_ Good morning, Dave.

Lister: Morning, Krissie. What should we do today?

Kochanski: Let's make a nether portal and an end portal.

_(Eventually, they made a nether portal. As they stepped in, they were teleported to a world that was like hell. The ground was awful, there was lava pouring from the ceiling, and there were weird monsters all over the place. Oddly, the zombie pig-men looked like girls that were in their twenties.)_

Kochanski: Maybe Holly added the "Mob Talker" mod, as well, to make things easier for us.

Lister: It'll be all right as long as we don't hit them.

Kochanski: I'm not going to.

_(After finishing the game and getting the last achievement, they were transported to the real world.)_

Kochanski: Dave, that…was fun.

Lister: I know.

Kochanski: I've found out a lot of things about you during that time.

Lister: Good, but I'm really tired. Let's go to bed.

_(Kochanski agreed, but she wanted to do something other than sleep in bed…)_

_**Please review this story!**_


End file.
